Supersize Me:
It’s Time To Stop Balming Fat People For Their Size
Obesity
is not only in the United States, it is among the most common illnesses in the World.
Some people from every country suffer from this illness. As we said before
taking a lot of calories causes this illness. A lot of people go on a diet to
get rid of these extra kilos or have an operation to get the fat out of their
body, which is called liposuction. Of course lying under knife is a dangerous
subject, it is better to go on a diet than an operation.
Why is
there this illness? According to the experts, busy working hours, rushy life
and not finding enough time to eat properly and proper foods are some of the
reasons. People are so busy during day time and they can not find enough time
to eat proper healthy foods and they eat junk food. Junk food consists of a lot
of calories and this causes obesity. And according to some experts, the calory
increase in foods causes this illness, as well. They say “1960 McDonald’s food’s
calories were around 560 calories but today’s McDonald’s food’s calories are
1500 and this is too much. İt is almost 3 quarter of the one which experts
recommend women to have in a day.” As McDonald’s is most popular in the U.S.,
Americans suffer from this illness much more than other country people.
In
conclusion, Obesity is a serious health problem and people should try to get
rid of it as soon as possible by doing some exercises and going on a diet. İf we
control the amount of calories we take
in a day, we can get rid of this illness and live in a good health and we can
have a good appearance.
Hi Mesut, I enjoyed much while reading your entry. It is a quite informative text about obesity. It consists of so many invaluable information and personal implications. I liked your picture quotes as well. They are very striking in terms of reminding how much obesity is dangerous. You've done grammatically well.
YanıtlaSilHowever, in the first sentence of the second paragraph, It would be better for you to use "not only- but also" phrase. You did use "not only", but not "but also". You can also write the name obesity with small letter, not with capitals. If you are not using the word "but" for the means of "except for", you should put a comma before it, as well. So, these are the points that I can see in your writing. I liked your organization and I cannot give any suggestions about it. You've done very well Mesut, best wishes for the further writings.
Hello Mesut
YanıtlaSilI had a great time while reading your journal entry. I'm familiar with this topic and everybody can understand your journal easily, I assume. I cought some little grammar mistakes and I want to share them to you. Firtly, there is one article mistake in the second paragraph;you should add ''the'' before writing knife. In the second paragraph there is a mistake about word order; ''A lot of people go on a diet to get rid of these extra kilos or have an operation to get the fat out of their body, which is called liposuction'' The modifier “on a diet” may be defining either clause in your sentence and is therefore a squinting modifier. Make sure it is clear which clause is being modified by this word . In the second paragraph again, there is a sentence having problem with ''to'' form.'' Of course lying under knife is a dangerous subject, it is better to go on a diet than an operation.'' You don't need to use ''to go ''here; After “rather”, “better”, and “had better”, there is no need to use the infinitive. Instead, use the root form of the verb. But these are very little mistakes, you did great job with your journal.